Perspective changes the way we feel and directs the choices we make in life. I was recently talking to a friend who had just been diagnosed with cancer. With characteristic grit, she shared the story of her experiences prior to any treatment. Her openness permitted one to inquire about her emotional and mental state given that she felt fine physically, yet her condition was critical. She thought for a moment, and described her emotional and mental reaction of the past two months. In it she referenced the shock, the disbelief, the bargaining, the denial, the anger, the fear and the gnawing uncertainty. What captured my interest was a description of her concluding thought: "Why me?". What was compelling is that she answered her own question without a pause by saying, "then I thought, why not me? My friends, relatives and neighbors younger and older than I have this. People around the world have this regardless of station in life or choices made. So, why not me? I am just as susceptible as anyone else."

Sometimes being a psychologist is just in your blood and you gotta ask... (usually, honest, I am quite good at separating what I do from who I am, but I had to ask). I posed the question of what she felt and what she did after that thought. She said with a decisive voice, "You know, I felt better. I got up after weeks of isolation and went about my business. The uncertainty is the same, the fear is the same, but I am still better."

Perspective. "Why not me?" Only three words. This is not positive thinking. The research on positive thinking for cancer is not that encouraging. However, the "Why not me?" caused a shift in perspective from powerlessness and spiraling emotions to a vague sense of being grounded. My friend still wept, make no mistake, but beyond the weeping, there was an anchor of resolve that she claimed she had not felt before.

Perspective regarding our marriage, work, money, our past, our future is not easy to achieve, and even harder to maintain. We even have to be careful about having a perspective on perspective. We have to guard against trying too hard to keep a perspective then getting defeated.

How is your perspective? Our hope for you is that your "perspective" on life will help you, your family and the world be a better place.

Den